洪蘭:教養孩子要像放風箏


台灣的學生很不快樂,曾有位高中的輔導老師把塞利格曼(M.Seligman)的憂鬱量表給全校學生做,結果發現有百分之七十的學生在憂鬱症邊緣。其實憂鬱症比起其他的精神疾病算是較有希望治療的。美國心理學家/哲學家William James說:「人可以因為心態的轉變而使生命轉變,改變心態就改變了生命」。很多人因為聽了某場演講、看了某本書而豁然開朗,從此人生不一樣,就是這個意思。

 

心態的轉變並不難,但需要智慧、引導與啟發。英國的格林爵士說:「學校教育的目的不是在學到什麼有用的東西,而是培養人格和情操,教導正確的價值觀和讓學生交到好朋友」。現代知識的進步太快了,昨天的定理今天會被推翻,反而是基本的核心價值:忠誠、正直、公平、正義是恆久不變的做人道理。

《金銀島》的作者史蒂文遜(R. L. Stevenson)說:「朋友是你給你自己最好的禮物」,人只要有一個知心的朋友就不會去自殺。人生路很長,沒有朋友相伴,這人生是寂寞的。好朋友就像天上的星星,有時看不見,但是你知道他在那裡。很多父母反對孩子參加社團,認為浪費時間,其實社團是交到志趣相投朋友最好的地方,在校園中若有朋友相互支持,較不易被霸凌。

憂鬱症的特徵之一是沮喪,對困境無能為力時,自信心會崩潰。「有夢最美」固然很好,但是要誠實檢視自己的能力,當目標定得太高時,美夢變成噩夢,會賠上自己性命。

很多父母以「恨鐵不成鋼」來為自己打罵孩子作藉口,那是錯的。他如果是塊鐵,硬要他成鋼,不是逼死孩子嗎?我曾有同學拿他父母照片給我們看,問我們親子像不像,因為他懷疑他不是父母親生的,他說沒有人會打親生兒打得這麼凶。打罵是短期見效,長期來說是反作用,你不尊重他,他怎麼會尊重自己呢?

洪蘭:教養孩子要像放風箏 - 天下雜誌

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